A long December...

Looking back over my life I can only remember one other year where at the end of it I looked back and couldn't think of a time when I wasn't holding my breath...the year my father almost died. It seems like for the last 12 months I have watched all that I knew crumble around me. Everytime I got my head above water something completely crushing would push me back under. It seemed like my family was falling apart. My marriage suffered some devastating blows. I hated my job. I was exhausted and beat down. I was scared, and heartbroken. I cried in my car every day to and from work. I would scream at the top of lungs. I drug my self to church every Sunday and cried during prayer request in Sunday as my cloud of witnesses loved me up enough to go back into the world and do it again for a week. Then I would go to service and cry as I sang praise songs. They were prayers rather screams for strength, for faith, for peace, for humilty, for the right words, the glue to put it all back together. He answered. No it is all not back together. My marriage is growing stronger, my family is what it is, I have a better job. Things are brighter. But He is good and if everything was still crumbling He would still be good. Because He simply is. Because he never left, he listened, loved, grew me in the midst of my hell. He took my feet and put them one in front of the other. He is my Father, my friend, the great healer, He is LOVE and I am loved...Amen