Friday, June 19, 2009

Maternal Instinct

I have struggled with this concept for a long time. I have never felt very maternal, and as a women you are expected to feel this way. I mean I like babies just fine. When I see my friends pregnant I am excited for them but I don't experience that longing for a little roly snuggly thing in my womb. I have questioned my normalcy for a long time because of this. I have asked Matt while lying in bed at night "What is wrong with me why don't I want this?" This week the I was in Chicago and I was holding a friends baby and they said something to the effect that I had maternal instinct and I thought I don't feel very motherly.... but then saw a little boy who was playing by himself and something in my heart yearned to sit and talk to him. Later in the week Matt and I were praying with my friends and they prayed for our upcoming family and they said "Lord you place the lonely in families" and right then my heart burst and tears started because my friends had given words to my motherly instinct. As I lay in bed that night the Lord showed me all the ways I had this motherly instinct even though it was different from the normal that he had given me a heart that so longs to provide a family to the lonely. We start our classes tomorrow and I am so excited because I know that this is the path the Lord has chosen for us and that makes my heart sing.