Moving!

I am now permenantly moving my blog to here so if you have been following our journey her hop on over and follow it there! Thanks!

Temporal/Permenant/Eternal

Being a foster parent gives you an different perspective on time. You live a very temporary existence. You often times have no idea when children will be coming or going. You don't plan birthday parties or vacations in advance, you don't finish your Christmas shopping early. You don't fill out baby books because a bunch half filled out baby books are depressing. You carry on family traditions with a completely different family every holiday, so they don't so much feel like traditions. When we were was driving to Christmas Eve service this year I thought I did this with a completely different family last year (except for Matt) and I will do it again with a completely different family next year (except Matt and Isaiah). Your life is very temporary and abrupt. Rooms must be able to transition from age to age or from one gender to another. You have a just add water family. In the last year and a half I went from zero children to two back to zero back to two then up to three and now it looks like we will be back down to one very soon. You live in the temporal from court date to court date to mediation never knowing when you will get the call that they will be going home or to kin. You parent in spurts only seeing some of the harvest of the seeds you have sown. If you have had a placement for awhile the people in your life (who mostly exist in the permanent) forget that your family exists in the temporal. They are shocked when nine months later you announce that your (foster) kids will be going home. They ask "Why now?" they are confused and even outraged. And sometimes you may feel that way too. But you remind yourself that you don't live where they do, you live in the temporal. This has become even more obvious to me recently. I have an adoptive placement a little piece of permanent in my temporal world. But I am having a hard time adjusting. I have not been keeping a baby book. Some one asked me if I was going to through a big birthday part on his 1st birthday my first thought was "If he is still here". All of this can be super frustrating and confusing but thankfully as a believer there is another kind of time that is of the utmost importance the eternal . In those moments where you feel like you are spinning your wheels in a broken system you can rest in the fact that your work does have eternal value.

Kingdom Stuff

For the past two years we have had the privilege of attending our foster agency Kornerstone's Christmas party. This is an interesting celebration comprised of a show choir , some awkward MC-ing (is this a word?), chicken wings, the Rangers mascot, and foster families of all shapes and sizes. The last thing on that list is what makes it special. I know that the life we have been called to is not the norm and because of that it can get kinda lonely. People don't understand. In public strangers stare at you. Your friends say things like "But don't you want kids?" as you have three attached to your body. I am not saying this to get pity don't get me wrong I want NO other life, but sometimes it is lonely. But for 3 hours a year in Pantego, Texas we are part of the norm. I look around the room and see all these families a potpourri of colors, many with kids who have disabilities, and no one is staring, no gaping mouth's, or whispering, or glances, or insensitive questions and for that 3 hours I don't have to explain myself to anyone. I don't have to bite my tongue and pray for grace because these people get it. They look around and see what I see. That maybe the table we are sitting at looks like The banquet table. Maybe for that 3 hours Kingdom comes on earth as it is in heaven.

Blogs of Note

I came across this post while I was reading my regular adoption blogs and thought I would try it to drum up readership so here goes nothing. Also hop over and check out this blog this family is the real deal doing real kingdom work!

God is my salvation

I finally got the call. The call that I always wondered about. When it would come? Where I would be? What I would be doing?Who would be on the other end? What they would say?

My last blog I talked about adoption frenzy, well that frenzy had spread to rest of my life. I wanted to quit my job, and sell my house, then I wanted to remodel my house, and so on. I was itchy, restless, and losing sleep. I wanted answers what was next, what did God have for me?Then one night driving home from a fondue night the Lord spoke very clearly (why does He always talk to me in the car?) He said essentially wherever I send you, whatever I have for you, is good it always is. So just stop questiioning and enjoy it. I went home crashed and slept through the night. the next morning I was sitting in my classroom talking to a women who I work with (who was instumental in Matt and I taking this journey) and I was sharing with her what the Lord had told me, then my class phone rang and it was Matt which was unusual. He said "Do you remember Baby Boy?" My mind raced he was one that we had been submitted for a couple of months ago out of Houston. The next words out of his mouth were some of the sweetest I have ever heard "We were chosen." Screaming and crying, jumping and running ensued. I got a baby. I got MY baby.

The next week was a whirlwind the lawyer from Houston came to visit. We began to ready ourselves and the house and the children for our new addition.

To give you some backstory for this next part I am going to share something I haven't shared with many. The Lord told me a long time ago that He was going to give me an Afircan American boy and I would call him Isaiah. Matt knew this my family and my caseworkers and I think most of them thought I was a little crazy.

So we get to go to Houston to meet Baby Boy (his bio Mom did not name him before leaving him at the hospital). We get there we meet him he is perfect and beautiful and ours. We are sitting visiting with the caseworker. I said "I know he wasn't named but have the foster parents been calling him anything?" She said "Yes, Isaiah" My heart stopped " From the very begining like since he was in care?" I asked while laughing (Matt was behind me holding Isaiah crying) She looked at me strangely and said "Is everything allright?" I looked at her asked " Are you a believer?" She said "Yes" so I said "Well a long time ago the Lord said he would give me an African American baby boy and his name would be Isaiah". She looked at me and said "Well I guess he was right"

And isn't He always right? Along this journey there have been more times than I would like to say when I have been jealous of other peoples stories. When the get adotpive placements I am happy with just a twinge of jealousy. A little bit of when is it going to be my turn. But as my story continues to unfold I am humbled that I would ever doubt what my Father has for me. A friend sent me an email a couple of weeks ago that said "the waiting the longing it is all part of his best". This path has been so perfect so ordained so unbeliveable.


All honor and glory forever to God the author of my faith, my life, my path, and my destiny!


Isaiah means God is my salvation

Adoption Chaser

We were not chosen for the little girl. We have also not been chosen for the next five or so adoptions we were submitted for. This is a hard process. The foster children who are currently living with us have a strange and complicated case. We have no idea if the will possibly be up for adoption or not. This is a scary process. I long for a sure thing. This is an unsure process. But this is an amazing journey. One that has made me reevaluate what I say I believe and what I act like. I have learned so much in the last year about myself, the God I serve, the things I value, about my marriage, and about the people I have in my life. Awhile ago I blogged about a verse. The Lord gave me a verse when I first started fostering " Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer." For the longest time I thought this verse was about the hope of having an adoptive child, about being patient in the affliction of waiting through this fostering process. The Lord has been working on my heart about this verse and I came to the realization (in the shower where I do all my great thinking) that my hope is not adoption, or in having a permanent family, but in the Lord, which cannot be touched by frustration, fear, or anything else. The Lord also revealed to me that that being a foster parent is not an affliction but a gift and an honor. In the last three months or so I have been an adoption chaser frantic almost that I need an adoptive placement by April. I have felt the clock ticking down because if I have one by April (which is most likely when our current placements case will be resolved) then if my foster children go back home then it will be less painful but that is not true. Having an adoptive placement will not reduce my attachment to the children I have know, and I already have something to hold onto Jesus. So I am giving up my fear, the fear that these are not my children and that my children are not coming. So that's me growing, changing, and realizing things ever so slowly. Thank God He is patient with me, and faithful, and good and in control.

Shades of Grey

I have learned a lot this year about compassion and circumstance through foster care. On Sunday when we were driving to church the Lord broke my heart for my foster parents mother and the circumstances in her life that have lead her to this place. She has been used and abused and treated like trash her whole life. The Lord convicted my heart about praying for her with an urgency. I mean I have always prayed for her more out of obligation than anything. Because honestly I would love to adopt her children. But the flip side of that is that she would have to fail at getting her children back, and suffer the greatest loss a mother can suffer. As a Christian I should want reconciliation , redemption, and healing for her. I should want her to be justified by Christ and his love and death. I should cheer her on to victory of getting her kids back. So Monday I was reading one of my favorite blogs http://buildingtheblocks.blogspot.com/ and Amy (blog author) told a story about a mother she met at a homeless shelter that had had her children removed and had parental rights terminated by the state. This further impressed the children's mother on my heart. I am so thankful I have a God who truly loves us all right in the midst of our brokenness and teaches us to do the same!
‎"You are a sinner & I am a sinner. I know you are a sinner, you know I am a sinner, but we love each other anyway. When we stop loving each other, the whole thing breaks down." Homer F. Rogers